Stop looking at me like that! Yes, I used quick sand, big deal! It’s not my fault that he barged in on my comic! Really, we had a nice piece of art starring a well-known and loved character (that would be me), and then, out of nowhere, there appears an absolutely unrealistic and absurd character! He acts like a little kid, possesses unexplained superpowers, and steals the spotlight from me! And don’t you even start your “it wasn’t a part of the comic back then” tune. When in my presence, each and every creature should behave as though they were taking part in a live documentary of my life! Even if on accident!

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And that’s why amongst all races the most hated in my list were always ponies. Disturbing, they never mind their own business, don’t understand the word “no” and, what’s most important, they are complete idiots! I think when they created ponies’ heads all brains went in my head. By the way, that would explain why my own kind has never been of a bright mind. You can’t even imagine what it’s like to be me – so smart and patient!

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You know, if I wasn’t interrupted so roughly back then, that griffin might as well got a heavy weight on the end of his tail. Of course now I see that it’s not an answer. He would still continue talking and whining, pinned to the ground. Besides, growing him a pair of horns would be way funnier. But back then I was not that experienced in pranks, and in general was pretty boring and unrestrained. If only I wasn’t interrupted…

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See this cyclops? Catches the eye, doesn’t he? Well, guess what - he’s absolutely insignificant. Episodic I would say. Gryphon, on the other paw… Anyway, main hero here is me. Yeah, right there on the background. No, not on the last frame, but on the previous one. In short, where you can’t see me at the moment. Ah, forget it! Just remember around whom the world spins, alright?

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Actually, we draconequuses sometimes experience problems with object permanence. As soon as we lose eye contact with something, it simply stops existing for us. Although, it only works with objects which we really dislike. Sadly enough, an explanation for this phenomenon is nonexistent. As well as broccoli. And magic of friendship. I would have remembered if they were real.

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It’s just… Who could have thought that Lauren can even come up with the idea of actually bringing me to the Harmony Academy? Some of you would say that it was very unexpected of her and therefore chaotic. Well, let me educate you - that’s not Сhaotic, that’s Dumb! With a capital D. “Unpredictable” does not mean “chaoitc” or we would not need two words for that! And that would be foolish, irrational, ridiculous and absurd.

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Amusing fact: some interpret Lauren’s cutiemark as a sign that she writes on the Scroll of History with the Feather of Fate. Sounds like crazy talk to me. Just look at the picture! Here is the said feather, here is the scroll. Any notable changes of Fate yet? Haven’t noticed… Next page!

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Not an option? Absolutely agree! Blowing up walls with yogurt is definitely not the smartest idea. Milk is much more effective!

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Woah-woah-woah! Wait, are you serious? Returning to my studies? So what you want to tell me is that I have STUDIED all this time? I thought I was doing something cool, like saving endangered entropy from extinction! What else they were lying about? Maybe Christmas gifts actually come from an Easter Bunny?

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Have you ever wondered why almost every myth starts with some god descending on earth to have fun? Because it’s horribly boring where gods live! Maybe it’s fine with Lauren and others of her ilk, but really cool guys, like me, prefer the company of non-ideal creatures in their non-ideal world. And no, that’s not because we love mortals, it’s just that you can’t trick other gods with golden fruits, they won’t bet on their souls and are even not amazed by such astounding physical phenomena like fire and licking your own elbow. At least not anymore.

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